The free-agency tour of MLB’s biggest superstar has been defined by a solemn sense of secrecy. What would it take to inject some humor into the proceedings
At this point in the Shohei Ohtani Free Agency Sweepstakes™, the baseball world has little substantive left to say about which team is the likeliest winner and which team would benefit the most and which team has potentially hurt its chances by daring to mention contact with the player.
It’s time for a new list: Which team would be the funniest landing spot for Ohtani? Not the best or most reasonable. The funniest.
For the purposes of this ranking, we care not about logic or finances or practicality. This is not about who will sign Ohtani. It is only about whose name would elicit the most delight as the winner.
Here are Ohtani landing spots, ranked by entertainment value:
30. Los Angeles Angels
There is a case to be made that re-signing with the Angels is actually the funniest thing Ohtani could do. After six years of losing in Anaheim, followed by a drawn-out, intensely guarded free-agency process of meeting with other teams, deciding, Actually, I’ll just stay here—that’s funny! That is a plot you could use to model how comedy arises from subverting expectations. Yet baseball has already seen what happens with Ohtani in Anaheim. It was somewhat funny the first time he chose this. Would it really be funny if he chose it again? No. Ohtani and the Angels, first as farce, then as tragedy.
